Sunday, April 01, 2007

To Whom It May Concern

Prayer in the post-Christian Era


When I first started attending the UU church and told a friend in Minneapolis that I was now attending a Unitarian Universalist Church she kind of snorted and asked “So do you pray To Whom It May Concern?”

Well, come to think of it, I’ve kind of been doing that for a number of years now. It’s nothing new. And in fact, I think there may have been a lot of United Methodists that I knew back then who were doing the same thing.

I have bowed my head in prayer even though for many years I have not believed in a god who is personally interested in me individually, an actor of divine intervention in the affairs of mankind, nor a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, or any other deity.

Then answer me this: “To whom do I pray?”

Now in Matthew 6:6-13, Jesus teaches his disciples how to pray. He gives them instructions on where they should be and then says pray like this: Our Father who art in heaven. I would contend that this, for all the beauty and poetry of the words and the constant repetitions over the past two thousand years, was a wasted effort. Why? Because we know how to pray. We know from nearly infancy how to pray.

My daughter, who is the pride of my life and just turned fourteen on Friday, is an expert at prayer.

Q: Hi Dad.

Dad: Hi Honey.

Q: I love you.

Dad: I love you, too, Sweetie.

Q: You’re the best Dad.

Dad: Am I now? Or is that just the best dad you have?

Q: No. Thank you for taking my friends and me to the movie Friday night.

Dad: You’re welcome. Did you have a good birthday?

Q: Yeah. But I was thinking.

Dad: What’s that?

Q: Now that I’m fourteen, I think I need a new guitar.

Dad: Is that so? What kind of guitar do you want?

Q: An electric one.

Dad: Is that what you want to spend your birthday money on?

Q: Would you get it for me?

Dad: I think that is a bit out of my budget. Besides, I hardly ever hear you practice.

Q: I practice a lot, and Vinnie says I’m doing great, and he lets me play his electric at my lessons, and it’s really cool.

Dad: I’m afraid that is something that you will have to save your own money for.

Q: Would you split the cost with me?

I’m not going to finish this conversation right now. Let’s just point out the elements of prayer. There was praise, thanksgiving, statement of needs, ask for fulifillment, justification. And then that particularly unique aspect of prayer, the bargain. I’ve intentionally left out of our little re-enactment the stages of escalation, hysterics, acceptance or capitulation, and reconciliation. But you get the idea.

So what is prayer anyway? Is it just about “getting stuff”? I think not. I believe there is a deep internal need within all of us to pray, and we fulfill that need through various channels. I believe that deep inside we all have a need to bare our souls and know that someone hears and cares. God is great, God is good, God is safe. If you pray, only God needs to know. And if you believe in an omniscient, omnipresent, and caring God, then you know you have been heard by someone who cares, even if the prayer goes unanswered.

So, many of us keep the trappings of praying to that God, even when our secularization has pushed us to the point where, like Santa Claus, he is a seasonal favorite, but not really believed in.

I’m going to suggest that the desire to be heard and cared about extends to other avenues today. I belong to a journal community where I write mostly about writing and story ideas. Many of my on-line friends, however, write intensely personal things in their journals which in any other circumstance I could only characterize as prayers. Here are some examples of what I read from my on-line friends one day a couple of weeks ago:

  • Alan: An open letter to myself: Dear Self, Start giving a damn. Love, Me
  • Barbara: Goat cheese, Greek olive, tomato, pumpkinseed and pistachio sandwich on oatmeal toast? OMG yum. Thank you.
  • Carl: I am so tired of saving everyone. I know I am a therapist, but I feel like I can't even do my job because everyone around me is screaming "Help me, help me". I am in a constant state of anxiety and confusion; distracted by the events that I don't want to even know about, much less be a part of....
  • Ellis: I never thought it would be like this. They offered me a job in Paris...I want to take it... But I can't lose you. What do I do?
  • Fran: The baby was extra adorable today! I could just eat him up.
  • Greg: I'm feeling terribly suicidal all of a sudden. Like I could jump off the roof. It isn't so much all of a sudden as it's been coming along and growing for a few days. I recognized the signs coming. One minute I'm terribly excited and happy for no reason and the next I'm sobbing. I suck.
  • Irv: So I got a call from my transplant coordinator that my blood work was off. Apparently my liver enzymes are running a bit higher than normal for me. That truly freaks me out since they have actually been coming down since my liver/lung transplant in April. Also my white blood cell count was up showing I have an infection but I have no idea where. I’ve had a bit of a dry/tickle cough but no sputum or trouble breathing. I go to my liver clinic on Thursday so I’m going to have my blood redone. I’m fairly sure if it was serious I would feel ill, but then when my potassium went through the roof, I felt great and it could have killed me! LOL It just never ends for us does it...
  • Kyle: The last post does not come close to reflecting what a Hell my life has become. The Cosmic bulls-eye, Fate's ever-cruel joke that is my life, holds true to form. I should have known better than to try to fly.

In the safe distance and almost anonymity of the World Wide Web, prayers are offered every day. And equally “almost anonymous” on-line friends answer back in comments to the post:

  • That’s so cool. Congratulations.
  • Hang in there. It will get better.
  • Have you tried calling and talking to him?
  • I don’t think I could take what you are going through. You are so strong.

We are heard, and someone cares.

But that is really not enough, especially for a community gathered together around a common spiritual quest. Yet I seldom hear a prayer in our church on Sunday morning. Or do I?

How many of you missed the sharing of joys and sorrows this morning? The bowl is here with candles ready to light. It is the invitation that we need to utter a prayer to our spiritual community. Perhaps what is missing is the tacit understanding that the sharing of joys and sorrows is a prayer to the our church community with the purpose and desire to be heard and to know that someone cares. When I light a candle and say my daughter turned 14 Friday, or I finished my book, or my friend is ill, or my parent died, or even that I am frustrated by the latest actions of our government, I am almost sure to encounter someone after the service who will congratulate, condole, or commiserate. I know that I have been heard and that someone cares.

Now, acknowledging that the sharing of joys and concerns is a time of prayer, I want to turn again to Jesus words in Matthew—not the part that say how to pray, but the part that says how not to pray. He offers two tidbits of advice. First, don’t be like a hypocrite who loves to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets that they may be seen. In other words, don’t get up just to hear yourself talk. Second, don’t use vain repetitions, thinking you will be heard because you say it often. I have been a party to a church in which a person stood to give the same prayer every Sunday. It actually allowed people to tune him out with a shrug, saying, “oh, it’s just Bill again.” I’d like to add a couple other suggestions for Prayers of Joys and Sorrows.

  1. Don’t use our prayer time for announcements. We have, much to some people’s chagrin, a time set aside at the beginning of the service for announcements that should be of concern to the community.
  2. Don’t use the Prayers of Joys and Sorrows as a bully pulpit to get your message across to people. The worship committee is always on the lookout for people with a message who would like to share it from the pulpit.
  3. Don’t use the Joys and Sorrows as a platform to gossip. This is a game as old as the church, sometimes called “Let’s all pray for poor Mrs. Jones.” You see, Mrs. Jones, well she should throw that good-for-nothing husband of hers out of the house because he’s been stepping out on her with the young secretary at…. You get the idea.

Now those are the suggestions for pray-ers. I’d like to offer a suggestion or two for the congregation as well.

  1. Listen to what is being said during Joys and Sorrows. Identify the person speaking and think about what she or he is saying.
  2. Respond to the prayer. I’m suggesting that since these prayers are offered to the community, that the community should respond. I’ll suggest this simple response. Say the person’s name, and the words “We hear your prayer and we care.”
  3. I would like to suggest that we change the name of this part of the service from “Sharing of Joys and Sorrows” to “Prayers of Joy and Sorrow.” Let us embrace prayer as a fundamental part of what we experience here.
  4. Finally, continue doing what we have always done. Congratulate, condole, and commiserate. We have a time of coffee and snacks after the service. Use it to seek out the people who have prayed and show them that indeed you did hear and that you care.

With those thoughts in mind, I would like now to turn to our time, called out for Prayers of Joy and Sorrow. I’d like to do it just a little differently today than the usual so that we can let some of these suggestions take root. Instead of lining up to share, I’d like to bring the microphone to you in your seat and ask you to please tell us your name, because we don’t know everyone. Then tell us your joy or sorrow. I’ll place a hand on your shoulder and invite those who are near to do the same thing as we all repeat your name and tell you “We hear your prayer and we care.” I’ll ask M and Q to light the candles for each prayer as we respond.

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